The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
