i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
