Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
