dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
