One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
