Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
