And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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