New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
