How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
