this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
