3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
