my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
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