Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
