Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
