If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The struggles of a small town man whore
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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