super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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