i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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