He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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