I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I did not marry a roomba.
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