someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
