Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
