Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
