Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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