Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
