I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
