My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
