did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
