You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
