let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
