someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
