and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
pop tarts are not kleenex
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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