I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
