at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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