Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
