when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Who died my cat blue again?
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