No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
