Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
