Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I will pee on everything he values.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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