Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
