Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
