i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Randomize
