Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
