yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
