Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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