I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
