Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
