Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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