He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
