dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Randomize
