I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
