great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
