dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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